Okay, it's been a few days since I've blogged so today I'll be covering several topics at once. The first will be "No more booty pants." I'm going to share something with you today that is a little known fact. I have a flat ass. Okay, that wasn't the little known fact. I mean, it's fairly obvious if you know me that my ass is roughly the same size and shape as an office chair. I credit a series of jobs where I have been chained to my desk over the last fifteen or sixteen years as the reason for this. See, I used to have a booty. And not just any old booty either. I had a great booty. From the time I was in junior high, I got rave reviews on the size and shape of my ass.
Sadly, what the good Lord giveth, time and gravity will taketh away if you don't treat it right. Clearly, I did my ass a grave injustice by sitting on it all the time because it has up and left me. Now I have to coax and cajole it into coming back.
My skinny bitch co- worker asked me the other day if I had set any goals regarding my weight loss. I told her I was just kind of taking it one day at a time and seeing where it leads me, but it got me to thinking that maybe I should be thinking about where I want all of this to take me. I have decided that I want my first goal to be....wait for it....no more booty pants.
Remember when I told you I was going to reveal a little known fact? Well, my dirty secret is that sometimes I have been known to wear booty pants. For those of you that don't know what those are, they are padded underwear, sort of like a push up bra for your butt. And yes, if it's a special occasion, I've been known to bust them out.
Given the fact that I just finished 26 minutes of cardio and 48 minutes of low impact and my gluts are screaming, I have decided that no matter how much weight I ultimately end up losing and no matter what size jeans I eventually end up wearing, I want my first goal to be to get my great ass back. And mark my words, I Will get it back.
Second topic? I may just have found a cure for headaches. I woke up with a monster one this morning. Since it was six a.m. and I didn't have anywhere I needed to be, I popped two Excedrin Migraines and downed a bottle of water and went back to sleep. Until 12:30 p.m. So now I'm feeling sluggish and still have the headache. So, off I go to Speedway where I pick up a yummy chicken salad sandwich and a large coffee and head back home. Where I pop three more pills, down another bottle of water along with about a quarter of the sandwich (it's all my shrinking stomach would hold) and my coffee. And I wait.
By 4:30, I still have the headache and now I feel even more sluggish because I haven't eaten right all day. I figure working out is either going to make me feel better or put me out of commission for the rest of the night. But either way, I won't be any worse off than I will be if I stay on the couch.
And guess what? About fifteen minutes into my cardio, I no longer have the headache. And by the time I had completely finished, I no longer felt sluggish. Like jello? Well, yes, but not sluggish.
I may just be on to something here...The outer fatty' s voice is getting fainter and fainter.....
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