Goin' to the chapel

Exciting news is a'foot.  My son is getting married.  Yes, my only child  taking the plunge.  It's a good thing, too, because I'd already decided to keep her even before he proposed .  And it's not exactly a chapel we're heading to, per se.  More like an old armory that resembles a castle a little bit.  But it's still going to be beautiful.

Originally we all thought they would have a long engagement.  However, my son feels the need to "make it official" right away (no, she's not pregnant, at least not that I'm aware of).  So the wedding date is now September 14th.  This year.  As in, a little over four months from now.

This presents a bit of a problem for me.  And it's a problem completely of my own making.  See, had I been a little more diligent about eating right and working out, I would be a lot closer to my goal weight of 135 or 140.  As it stands, I'm hovering right around 188.  Which, while better than my original 198, is not anywhere close to where I envision myself at my son's wedding.  Lucky for me the bride's color scheme includes plum, which is a whole lot more forgiving than a lighter color would be.

So, now I'm revising my weight loss goals once again.  No longer is bathing sit season a concern.  Heck, I'll just hang out at my usual beach where there are plenty of people larger and less attractive than myself to help my plunging self-esteem.  No, the new focus is a 40 pound weight loss or to fit in a size 8 our 10 by the day of the blessed event.  Extreme?  Possibly.  Doable?  I think so.  At least, I hope so.

Don't get it twisted.  I'm not in the least upset  about the kids moving the wedding date up.  In fact, I'm grateful.  Who knows how long my self-imposed lethargy would have gone on if they hadn't?  It would seem I needed a new goal to get me off my lazy ass and get motivated again.

Besides, with all of the planning and preparation it's going to take to get this shindig put together, I sincerely doubt I'm going to have a while lot of time to rest on my oversized laurels (what exactly is a "laurel" as it applies to resting anyway, And do they come in larger sizes?)  

The benefits of fish oil and a good multi-vitamin

So, I've finally managed to break the 190 pound barrier.  Okay, so its only down to 189.8 pounds, but still, its better than I expected and way better than I deserve, since my workouts have been virtually non-existent and my diet plan kind of went the way   of the do-do for a while.  Yeah, I ate McDonald's, on more than one occasion, And I ain't gonna lie, I enjoyed the hell out of it.  And yeah, I purposely avoided the scales because I knew it was going to be all bad.  

My only excuse (and it's not much of one) is that I've had a lot going on lately.  I've been struggling with the decision of whether or not I want to continue my education, and if so, trying to find a school whose curriculum is going to meet my needs and not suck up another four years of  life and cost me a freaking arm and a leg.  It's not as easy as you'd think, given the fact that I have to work full time which makes a traditional school a mostly non-viable option. And since the degree I'm seeking requires practicums and field work, the only viable online option I've found is going to take another three and a half years and $45K in student loan debt.  Not to mention a plane ride to parts unknown and time off my job to do my field work.  Did I mention that the plane ride is not included in the aforementioned $45K?

And work?  Oh, that's a whole other story!  Suffice it to say that I have been on quite a roller coaster ride over the course of the last six weeks or so, and it ain't over yet!  I can't really go into much detail since the number one rule of working in the correctional field is that you don't talk about it and you never really know who's cyber-stalking you.  So let's just say that I've been busier than a one-armed wall paper hanger and leave it at that.

But I digress, as I am known (frequently) to do.  It seemed as though every night as I was leaving work, somebody would tell me how tired I was looking.  And this was a fair assessment, since it was taking everything I had just to drag my ass out to my car and make the ten minute drive home.  When I would get home, I would immediately change into my jammies and hit the couch.  I stopped grocery shopping.  I stopped cooking dinner.  I quit drinking water as much and resumed drinking the occasional soda.  My skin started to suffer again, and my digestive system did too.

And the worst part of all of this was, I was doing it to myself and I knew it.  And yet, I felt powerless to stop.  I kept coming up with reason after reason and excuse after excuse to be a couch potato.  So, as I was driving home from work one night going through my customary litany of excuses/reasons why tonight would not be the best night to resume working out, I received a text from my "skinny Bitch" co-worker (And I only mean that in the most loving way, since she is also my friend), that included a picture that said in hot pink letters (one of my signature colors) on a black background, "DEAR FAT, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BODY."  Under this picture, she had written "This just sounds like something you would say.  LOL".  

Well, this was exactly the motivation I needed to put aside my "reasons" for not working out and get back to it.  So I sent her a text back that said "this is exactly what I needed to hear to work out!  thanks for the motivation!"  

 

Of course, in retrospect, I can see where my response may have sounded a tad on the snarky side.  As I was working out, I heard my phone receive another text.  Now anybody who knows me well knows I don't interrupt my workouts for mere text messages.  So, when I finished my workout I checked my phone, only to find that  she thought she had offended me.  I explained to her that I was being completely sincere and added the words "you dork" after.

The workouts resumed.  For a very short time.  Because then the unthinkable happened.  I. Got. Sick.  Yup, Got the nasty cold that everybody has been getting.  This had me laid up for about a week.  Another co-worker of mine, we'll call him Wild Bill, informed me that had I been taking 1000 milligrams of vitamin C along with a multi-vitamin and fish oil, this wouldn't have happened.

So, I am on day three of my new vitamin/fish oil regimen.  Although the fish oil capsules have no taste going down, they will have you burping a tuna fish after taste for the rest of the day.  At least for the first day.  It's gotten a little better each day since.  I figure it's going to take at least a month for all of this to kick in.  And I've resumed eating healthy, grocery shopping and working out.  My husband is also relieved that I'm cooking dinner again.  

Swimsuit season is no longer a ways away.  It's just around the corner, as any trip to any major clothing store will tell you.  And now I've really got to step it up, since my weeks of lolly-gagging have put me majorly behind schedule.

Busy Busy BUSY!!!

Since I got a text from my bestie Elaine a few nights ago asking if I'd quit because I hadn't been blogging in a while, I decided it was time to maybe post something. I didn't realize anybody was paying that close of attention!

It's been a busy (and strange) week.  Two Thursday nights ago, I was offered a temporary promotion at work that had the potential to become permanent.  Of course, I took it, which meant that I had a whole lot to learn in a very short amount of time in order to prove that I was the most capable for the permanent position.  I spent last weekend "studying" but I still didn't neglect my workouts.  On Tuesday, I found out that the interviews had been bumped up a week, so the "very short amount of time" I had to learn what I needed to became a miniscule amount of time.  Not that I'm making any excuses.  So this week, I've been buckling down, "studying" some more, and still not neglecting my workouts.

Has my diet gone to hell?  Not entirely, but I've had no great weight loss experience this week (in fact, I gained back .8 pounds).  My only excuse is that my schedule has been a bit out of whack, I've been rather transient at work, and I no longer have my fridge and microwave in my office, since I've moved to a different one (of course, my old boss says if I get the job on a permanent basis, I can take the fridge and microwave with me to my new office, but who knows when I'll find that out!). 

Next week, I'll be in training for four days at a facility roughly 40 minutes away from where I work.  I'm looking forward to it, but I'm wondering what that's going to do to my eating habits, since my diet requires me to carry about five little containers with me everywhere I go.  I've wasted a lot of food this week, which, as you all know, I hate to do (see blog entitled "the guilt complex").  I may have to research healthier alternatives on the go (wonder how close the nearest Subway is to the other facility?).

My outer fatty is remaining silent for the time being.  Since I haven't lost any weight, she is quietly gloating, I image.  My inner skinny bitch is complaining rather loudly, though.  "The workouts aren't enough!" she yells.  And deep down, I know this, but I've been spending a rather inordinate amount of time rationalizing away the pizza and the one skipped workout this week (my knees are killing me, sharp, ugly shooting pains that feel as though they're threatening to give out on me at any time).  I don't think it's the workouts, per se, I think it's this craptastic cold weather we're having.  After all, I'm not getting any younger, and when the wind chill is -9 degrees and I have to battle the wind and the cold as I walk from point A to points B and C all day, well, it takes a lot out of me. 

The good news is, it's groundhog day.  And both Buckeye Chuck and Punxtutawny Phil have predicted an early spring.  Hey, every groundhog can't be wrong, right?  And it gives me hope, since if there's one thing I hate, it's Ohio winters, or winters of any kind, for that matter.

So, since it's Saturday, I'll devote my day to eating right, working out (I've had a two-day break) and coloring my hair (it's amazing what covering that gray can make you feel like!).  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  swimsuit season isn't going to begin tomorrow.  I've got time, and losing it slowly will help my skin aclimate so that I don't have to worry about the excess, and perhaps not as many stretch marks, as long as I keep lotioning up.

The first day of the rest of my diet

Today I am proud to announce I did not put a single thing in my mouth that didn't belong in there (for any men that might be reading this, get your minds out of the gutter!).  The worst thing I did was forget to eat my breakfast.  Oh, I put it in the microwave, I heated it up....then promptly forgot to eat it in my mad rush out the door.

Am I still disappointed in myself?  Well, yeah, of course I am.  My stunning almost seven pound weight loss has now dwindled to 2.8 pounds.  I may have stuck to working out every day, but yesterday I only did half the work I was supposed to.  The best thing you can say about me is that I've stayed away from soda!

But the best part of making a lifestyle change, or really doing anything at all for yourself, is that you always have the option of a do over.  If you are truly doing it for yourself, then there's nobody to be disappointed in you but you. 

Today is the first day of the rest of my diet.  Whatever I did since Friday to sabotage myself is done, and there's no going back and changing it now.  All I can do is move forward.  And move forward I will.

Epic Fail!!!

So, I finally braved the scales today.  While I didn't manage to put back on all the weight I've lost, I did manage to gain back over half of it.  To top it off, my most awesome boss took all of us to Ryan's Steakhouse for lunch today.

How could I possibly tell him that pretty much the only thing I'd be able to eat and stay within the confines of my diet would be salad?  And it was iceberg lettuce to boot!  No nutritional value whatsoever.  And I would appear to be a total ingrate if that's all I ate when there was a veritable smorgasbord of culinary delights like fried chicken, Mac and cheese and chocolate cake available.

So I ate.  Small portions of everything, and I stuck to water, but I did eat stuff that was in no way, shape or form good for me.

Look, it is what it is.  The Mexican food I had for lunch yesterday wasn't on my diet either.  Neither were the subs I had over the weekend, the pancakes I ate at Dennys or the six or so beers I drank Saturday night.  But I did it, all of it, and there's no taking it back now.  All I can do is move forward.

I only did half my prescribed workout today.  My only excuses are that the wind and the cold took a lot out of me today And when I got home my pooch Gillie was under the weather (hopefully nothing serious) and I felt more like cooking a decent dinner and doing the dishes than I did working out.  And yes, I was feeling a little sorry for myself, which makes no sense at all, since this is all of my own making.

Still, thirty minutes of exercise is better than none.  And water still trumps soda, which I have managed to resist for over three weeks now.  And being down 3.6 pounds since I started this a little over three weeks ago is better than no weight loss at all.

So, tonight I will be a little lazy.  I will snuggle Gillie and love her up and hope she feels better tomorrow.  I will pack my lunch and snacks for tomorrow, because tomorrow is a new day.  Bikini season is still a ways off, and I have no reason to believe I can't do this, because I've been doing it, and seeing results.

Epic Fail?  Nah, not really.  Just a rough couple of days and a few bad choices.

Beer is the devil

So, last night I decided to go up to the local watering hole with some friends and hear another friends band play.  I had just finished my workout and my blog and was feeling pretty good (maybe that endorphin rush I've been hearing so much about is finally starting to happen).  I showered, did my hair and make up, and out the door I went.

My oldest friends will tell you that I used to drink.  Not excessively or anything, but on the weekends I was known to hit the Moose lodge and throw back some drinks.  Sadly, after the unfortunate incident where I was roofied at the gay bar on my 39th birthday (I soooo wish I was kidding about that) I pretty much lost my taste for alcohol.  The occasions where I actually get drunk or even a buzz have been few and far between ever since.  In fact, I could probably count them on one hand.

But last night, I was feeling good.  And because I was responsible for just myself for a change, I decided to have a beer or two.  Which quickly turned into five or six.  And given the fact that I rarely ever drink anymore and that the size of my stomach has shrunk somewhat, that was all it took.

Let me tell you what beer can do for you.  It can make you think you're a regular dancing queen, which, in retrospect, isn't such a bad thing.  I was sweating like a mofo and busting out moves I didn't even know I had.

Let me tell you a few other things beer will do for you.  It will cause you to stay out way past your bedtime.  It will also cause you to eat things you shouldn't in the wee hours of the morning.  And, it will cause you to drink more beer.

Beer will cause you to be a complete slug the day after you drink it.  It will cause your feet and ankles to swell.  And once you finally do drag your lazy ass off the couch to do your workout, you will not feel as good about it as you might have had you not overindulged in beer to start with (not to mention banana pecan pancakes complete with butter and syrup at 2:30 a.m.).  Did I neglect to mention how much worse you stink as you're sweating the beer out as you're working out?

Even though I did not have the traditional hangover that I usually associate with a night of tying one on, I do not, in any way, shape or form, consider myself lucky.  Still, maybe I'm paying closer attention to what my body is telling me these days.  Either way, I've had my couple of days of fun and now it's time to get back on the diet and exercise wagon I've so gracelessly taken a tumble off of.  Tomorrow is a new day.

I can tell you, though, it'll be a few days before I get on those scales again!

It's been a minute

Okay, it's been a few days since I've blogged so today I'll be covering several topics at once.  The first will be "No more booty pants."  I'm going to share something with you today that is a little known fact.  I have a flat ass.  Okay, that wasn't the little known fact.  I mean, it's fairly obvious if you know me that my ass is roughly the same size and shape as an office chair.  I credit a series of jobs where I have been chained to my desk over the last fifteen or sixteen years as the reason for this.  See, I used to have a booty.  And not just any old booty either.  I had a great booty.  From the time I was in junior high, I got rave reviews on the size and shape of my ass.

Sadly, what the good Lord giveth, time and gravity will taketh away if you don't treat it right.  Clearly, I did my ass a grave injustice by sitting on it all the time because it has up and left me.  Now I have to coax and cajole it into coming back.

My skinny bitch co- worker asked me the other day if I had set any goals regarding my weight loss.  I told her I was just kind of taking it one day at a time and seeing where it leads me, but it got me to thinking that maybe I should be thinking about where I want all of this to take me.  I have decided that I want my first goal to be....wait for it....no more booty pants.

Remember when I told you I was going to reveal a little known fact?  Well, my dirty secret is that sometimes I have been known to wear booty pants.  For those of you that don't know what those are, they are padded underwear, sort of like a push up bra for your butt.  And yes, if it's a special occasion, I've been known to bust them out.

Given the fact that I just finished 26 minutes of cardio and 48 minutes of low impact and my gluts are screaming, I have decided that no matter how much weight I ultimately end up losing and no matter what size jeans I eventually end up wearing, I want my first goal to be to get my great ass back.  And mark my words, I Will get it back.

Second topic?  I may just have found a cure for headaches.  I woke up with a monster one this morning.  Since it was six a.m. and I didn't have anywhere I needed to be, I popped two Excedrin Migraines and downed a bottle of water and went back to sleep. Until 12:30 p.m.  So now I'm feeling sluggish and still have the headache.  So, off I go to Speedway where I pick up a yummy chicken salad sandwich and a large coffee and head back home.  Where I pop three more pills, down another bottle of water along with about a quarter of the sandwich (it's all my shrinking stomach would hold) and my coffee.  And I wait.

By 4:30, I still have the headache and now I feel even more sluggish because I haven't eaten right all day.  I figure working out is either going to make me feel better or put me out of commission for the rest of the night.  But either way, I won't be any worse off than I will be if I stay on the couch.

And guess what?  About fifteen minutes into my cardio, I no longer have the headache.  And by the time I had completely finished, I no longer felt sluggish.  Like jello?  Well, yes, but not sluggish.

I may just be on to something here...The outer fatty' s voice is getting fainter and fainter.....